Feeling like I am at at a stand still again

Nice. It seems things are at a stand still for me again. @.@ I know the universe is telling me to go do what I need to do but I do not feel ready. u.u; +sighs+
It feels like being forced over a cliff on;y I am being dragged to it.

My dreams are not coming anymore. I just don't have them. Of course tons of energy. Seems like the harder I try to be friends with people the harder it is to make friends. @.@ I feel so out of place. If you don't try to be friends no one wants to be around you and if you do the more people are iffy around you. It's the energy probably.

Trust that the Universe will give you all that you need when you need it. The knowledge will present in due time. I know it can be a hard wait but patience is part of the lesson.

For me it come in waves as well. I feel this is in part that it takes a fair amount of energy and our bodies are still adjusting to the rising so we tire. I feel that other part it we still have to live in this physical world and if we get to wrapped up in the other our world here falls apart. We are in and learning the process of balancing ourselves so we can help others get through it when the bigger changes happen.

Sorry about the friends. It's tough! My daughter and son have similiar troubles with their friends. People recognize the difference and are curious about our energy but are still a bit frightened and aren't sure if they are ready to open their minds to the possibilities.

What helps me is knowing I chose to come here to do this. I know it's tough but it when I am able to help someone else adjust easier than I did I feel so good. I wish I understood this when I was younger and wasn't so frightened myself to know about it. All in due time.

Hang in there. You have support here. I think of you often and I hope to be on the forum more now. Be ready May is going to be fun!

I hope so. I don't even remember what fun is at the moment.

My best friend(sibling of sorts who lives out of state) and I have been feeling depressed to the point where we actually have considered killing ourselves. That the only reason neither of us have not is because we would not want the other to die. We feel like if one of us dies then we would feel so much pain that we would follow. The whole last month has been pretty bad energy wise. We both feel very oppressed as if every time we finally get to a stable state of mind and try to hold onto it we get crushed emotionally. Or we get crushed emotionally without even trying.

I am moving again. +sighs+ Always moving. Makes me wonder if a stable environment in which I can stay in one place is even possible. Still no real friends or least anyone I can hang out with. Found out that almost everyone in my program is at least 5-10 years older than me if not 30 years.

About choosing to come here I am not sure. I feel like someone dared me to or that told me I would not be able to handle it so I did it to prove them wrong. Guess that is a choice...

Never felt like my parental unit believed in me in doing anything. Even been told a few times that I should go marry and be a housewife.(Besides who the hell tells a 11 year old, and again 15 year old to do that in this society. )Nothing wrong with that but then I would feel like I haven't done anything with my life that I wanted. Living off someone else's money for my whole life does not feel good at all. Always being indebted. Actually the very idea to me is revolting and makes me want to puke.That's really my theme of life too. All or nothing. (lol like my birthday) Actually the more I see how my parental unit sees me the more disgusted I am.

Thanks. It's good hear that one has support somewhere even when they don't have much of it in person.
Another positive note, my vision at night has been very good lately, sharper it seems.

Safyre wrote:

Trust that the Universe will give you all that you need when you need it. The knowledge will present in due time. I know it can be a hard wait but patience is part of the lesson.

I certainly know how you and your friend are feeling. When we get low it's really low. I certainly have entertained ending it all several times. There are just days when you feel like everything you do, does nothing, means nothing, and you wonder why you are here. No one will miss you. You just don't seem to fit here. It's a horrible feeling, path and downward spiral.

A friend of mine several years ago said that when she gets this way she tries to find just one small thing that is beautiful, makes her happy and tries to focus on that one thing i.e. the beauty of a rain drop on a petal, smell of a rose, the cold, crisp, refreshing feeling of water hitting your parched tongue, sun warming your cheeks, anything. I started doing that and it helps get me out of a funk. Listening to music can help, stopping what you are doing and do something else, put a rubber band on your wrist and if you have a negative thought snap yourself (breaks the pattern of thoguth), go outside and listen to nature and got for a walk. Take your shoes off and let the grass go between your toes even if its wet outside. Just find something to find some joy in, be silly and laugh.

I won't kid you it isn't easy. I see my son struggle with this as well. Just last week he was feeling this way. I still go through slumps and depression. The thing is for me now I know it will pass. I am learning to be patient. I want things to happen fast here and they don't - mostly because my attachments weigh the progress down.

Quote :

Actually the more I see how my parental unit sees me the more disgusted I am.

You are very clear about how you feel about your parents and vice versa it seems. Your parents are your parents and they what they say. Just let it go. Just like you, they have a a right to say or feel the way they want to but you don't have to believe it or let it become a part of you. Who do you want to be? Do they disgust you because the mirror you and your actions? Doesn't sound like it but only you will know the answer to that. If not then let them be your guide as what not to be and be Thankful that they are in your life showing you who you don't want to be. Make it a positive. If you can detach and step out of yourself and just see them as any other person who makes mistakes you may be able to let go the need of approval from them. Not always easy to do since we are conditioned to believe that parents are suppose to behave a certain way. If you can you will be released and feel free. The truth is you are the only one holding on to it (attaching) and it's bringin you down. Ask yourself why do you need to hold on to it? Why do you not believe enough in yourself that you need outside support?

You need to be what is in your heart and who you want to be. Forget everyone else, what they say, believe, etc. Each of us beats to our own rhythm and we need to honor and cherish it. That's what makes us the unique piece in the puzzle. If we were all the same we wouldn't work. The puzzle wouldn't come together and the picture wouldn't be created.

Creating this forum goes against everything I was raised to believe. It scared me to do it create it. To expose myself. Who am I to think I can maybe help someone? Why should I create this place when there are other going forums out there? These were thoughts that went through my mind. We can all doubt ourselves. It is easy to do. Believing in ourselves should be so easy and natural but we have been broken and taught to believe to doubt ourselves. Most often this comes from people who don't believe in themselves. This site still does scare me but you and the people that join make it all worthwhile. Every post has a growth and healing aspect to it. I know everyone's posts are helping me. If I can help one person have an easier time adjusting than I did growing up then it's all worth it. This is why I think of you often. You help me to grow and be more secure in myself ... you help me to know we are all connected ... you help me to know I am worthwhile, needed, and hopefully ... I am helping you in some way and together we are helping others. Maybe even people who aren't members. If not, I am glad that I am here for you! It's all worthwhile ... you are worthwhile!

Read this again:

https://oursacredfire.forumotion.com/poetry-writings-f27/our-deepest-fear-t51.htm

o.O A rubberband? That sounds like punishment. I read a book about awakening and it had a mantra of," Is that so?" That has helped the most so far and my own is," So what?" To think those things after everything that goes on.

I sometimes wonder if our bodies physically hold in bad things as well. I cut off most of my hair today and of course it feels light, but my mood feels lighter too. Maybe cause I like it, but it made me think that since I had worried for 2 hours trying to decide what to do with my hair that I should just go get it done before I would not do anything at all. <---It's a pattern when I want to do something fret and plan for hours, days, weeks and months before doing anything. So another thing I say to myself now is," JUST DO IT!"

I don't look at the rubberband as punishment. Just a reminder to snap out of this pattern you have gotten yourself in. I guess it's also applies to what you are wondering about with cellular memory. Some people do feel that our cells have their own individual memory. This is a theory that has come up with transplant patients that start having cravings of the donor.

I feel that there is cellular memory. Look at addiction whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, and/or feelings. People are addicted to their feelings of sadness, hatred, etc. and when we try to change them our body feel really uncomfortable and wants us to go back to the pattern that it's familiar with. We chemically change our bodies with our feelings, food and drink and the cells respond to it.

I also cut my hair off this past month. It's a nice change but I will probably grow it back this fall. It was sort of symbolic cutting it off. I was releasing the past, patterns, experiences, etc. Also I was trying to make it healthier by removing the hair that was damaged from all the coloring, straightening, etc. Hair does hold the chemical make-up of how we are taking care of ourselves. It's like a timeline.

I have always played with my hair. Cutting it off, coloring it, etc. It's fun and it does grow back.

Hey if you are enjoying that book, add it to the list on the forum.
Hope you have a wonderful day today, Avari!

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93616?fp=1
I thought this was interesting. They call it a miracle but I think it's just evolution in the works. Those jellyfish scare me more than sharks.

I have been trying to grow mine out for awhile but I think I have been too stressed for my hair to be healthy at all. Now my friend is thinking of how we are going to dress up as the Na'vi from Avatar.

I will post it the book after this. I am currently packing to move this weekend. Thank goodness there isn't that much to do.