It may help to read this thread first -
https://oursacredfire.forumotion.com/questions-answers-f63/standalone-entity-t70.htm#113 My goal as a parent is to raise my children to be independent people who listen to themselves, what is right for them, who think about others, their actions and consequences when making their choices. I want my children to be able to stand in their own light and truth even if others around them are trying to cloud their thoughts. This is empowering for them and for me as a parent!
In order to this I have had to make choices for my kids that are sometimes uncomfortable and inconvenient for me and seem unfair to my kids - such as, not allowing them to attend an activity, taking away a game or ??? because the didn't complete a task agreed to at home or low grades or ??? Or it could be the other way when they don't want to do something the committed to having them follow through on their word and committment. They aren't usually what would be considered the 'easy choice'. By doing so kids are able to learn that life isn't always fair, you have to honor and stand by your word or there will be consequences, how to stand up for themselves, and how to be and empowered and trust themselves that they know what is right for them.
A few days ago I was taken back as my child told me to stay out of something with their coach because they wanted to handle it. They had recognized their actions or possibly over-reactions to a situation, as well as, lack of participating and communication in creating a particular outcome. Part of me felt bad because as a parent I want to protect my child and I felt unneeded. The other part of me was so happy and so proud!!! My child was taking control of their life and standing up for themselves. They wanted to handle the situation on their own. The beauty wasn't just that my child was becoming an adult. I was feeling more confident of their actions and decisions and I was in awe because I was able to teach something that I myself have a hard time doing due to lack of value and trust in my thoughts/opinions and fears instilled in me as a child.
I share my beliefs and experiences with my children but I also share others beliefs and persepectives as well. Just as I want to be free from expectations of others and have my opinion and thoughts valued, I want them to be free from any conditions I might inadvertently be instilling. I want them to have there own beliefs, desire and feel valued to succeed and stand on their own. There are some beliefs I don't agree with that they have adopted. We discussed why I feel they way I feel and they discuss they way the feel. Does it bother me? A bit but in the end it will be their life and they will have to live with their decisions and consequences. I won't.
I am posting this because I feel it's important to realize that the uncomfortable moments/choices we have to make as parents allow for growth and independence. I am by no means perfect in my actions but that to is a lesson our kids need to know. We are people just like they are, our feelings get hurt and we make mistakes. Our feelings and conditioning some times overrides our thought process and we make mistakes. BUT we can pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and try not to do it again.
Should we be fearful of sharing our mistakes with our kids? Or should we share them so they can learn we are learning to and they can see where our knowledge came from? I think the latter. What do you think?
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They know more than you think. If they don't they soon learn from it.